I would have never said that not doing the Tour Divide is harder than attempting it. But as the milestone get ticked off towards the 2014 Tour Divide, I can't help but feel that the family are leaving on vacation without me. 

Today marks the 100-days to the start of the Tour Divide and I vividly remember this time last year. The mixture of bottled nerves and excitement of the adventure that lay ahead was reaching ever increasing levels. The countdown into double digits seemed to speed up exponentially. I was going through the process of planning out my gear, ensuring that I had everything required for the race. I was reaching breaking point in terms of patience with the weather and the love/hate relationship that had built with my indoor trainer. I remember spending time looking over long-range forecasts, hoping to see a glimpse of change in the weather. A sure sign that Spring would set me free from my garage-based training routine. And I remember the amazing feeling of getting stronger and stronger as each week passed. It was a combination of feelings, that as I sit here now I feel are missing in my life. The realization that I do need an audacious goal like the Tour Divide in my life to focus, motivate and challenge me. In some ways I believe that it defines who I am as a person and how, to some extent, people view me. And without it I am just one of the millions following a daily routine, going about an everyday existence, without any level of differentiation. And even if that was not the reality it was enough that I believed it. 

I know that this state of mind is only going to further torment me as the days to the start of the Tour Divide get closer. So I need to start working on a 465-day plan to my 2015 attempt of the Tour Divide, filled with mini adventures and goals.  In some way, I should be grateful that I have 15-months to prepare, get stronger, research more gear, save, rather than the 100-days that the folks this year have left. At least I need to keep telling myself that! But it is not without a massive dose of envy, that I will continue to bathe in daily, wishing that I was heading to that start line in Banff in 2014.